Parenting Yourself: Healing the Inner Child While Raising Your Own
Have you ever yelled at your child and instantly felt guilty? Or felt like you were overreacting—but couldn’t stop yourself?
Or maybe you promised you'd never parent the way your parents did…
…but sometimes, you hear their voice coming out of your own mouth.
That’s not you being a bad parent.
That’s your inner child asking to be heard.
Yes, while you’re parenting your kid, sometimes you’re also parenting the younger, unheard version of you.
👶 Who Is Your Inner Child?
The “inner child” isn’t just a poetic idea, it’s a real psychological concept.
Your inner child holds all the emotional experiences you had while growing up:
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The times you felt scared or lonely.
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The joy of being playful and free.
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The moments you felt ignored, criticized, or not good enough.
And here’s the big one:
If those feelings weren’t processed or validated, they stay inside.
They don't disappear. They show up, especially when you're triggered by your own child.
🔁 Why You React Stronger Than You Want To
Let’s say your 6-year-old is refusing to do their homework.
You feel this sudden anger rising. Not just irritation but rage.
You don’t just say, “Please do your work.”
Instead, you yell:
"Why do you always have to make things so difficult?!"
Afterwards, you're thinking:
“Why did I explode like that? It wasn’t a big deal.”
Here’s what may have happened under the surface:
Your brain connected this moment to an old wound.
Maybe when you were a child, mistakes weren’t allowed. Maybe your parents said things like:
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“You’re lazy.”
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“Stop crying or I’ll give you a reason to cry.”
So now, when your child resists something—your inner child panics.
It says: “Uh oh. We’re in trouble again.”
You’re not just reacting to your child.
You’re reacting to your past.
🧠 The Psychology Behind It: Inner Child + Triggers
Let’s simplify it:
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Trigger: A present moment situation (e.g., your child yelling).
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Emotional Memory: Your brain links it to a past experience (e.g., being yelled at yourself).
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Response: You react with intensity, not because of now, but because of then.
This is emotional flooding. Your prefrontal cortex (logical brain) takes a back seat, and your limbic system (emotional brain) takes over.
But here's the hopeful part:
If you become aware of this pattern, you can change it.
You can begin to respond differently than how you were treated.
🧒 Two Kids Are Present: Yours & You
Next time your child misbehaves, imagine this:
There are two children in the room:
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One is your actual child.
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The other is the child version of you, quietly asking,
“Will someone finally choose to listen to me, too?”
When you choose to parent with empathy, pause, or repair,
you’re not just helping your child, you’re re-parenting yourself.
💬 Real-Life Example: From Reaction to Repair
Before Healing
Riya (a mom of two) grew up in a home where mistakes were punished.
When her daughter spilled juice, she instantly shouted:
“Why can’t you be careful?!”
But after learning about her inner child, she paused.
She realized: “I was scared of being yelled at for accidents too.”
After Healing
She knelt down and said,
“Hey, it’s okay. We can clean this together. I know it was an accident.”
That moment didn’t just comfort her daughter.
It comforted the little girl inside Riya—the one who never heard,
“It’s okay. You're still loved even when you mess up.”
🧘♀️ How to Start Re-Parenting Yourself While Raising Your Child
1. Name Your Triggers
When you feel overwhelmed, pause and ask:
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“What does this remind me of?”
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“Am I reacting as a parent, or as the child I once was?”
🧠 Example:
Your child talks back. You feel furious.
Ask: “Did I feel powerless or disrespected as a child?”
2. Give Yourself What You Needed Then
Whatever you needed back then—offer it now.
If you needed:
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Safety → Give yourself a moment to breathe before reacting.
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Encouragement → Remind yourself: “I’m doing better than I think.”
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Comfort → Place a hand on your chest and say, “It’s okay. I’ve got me now.”
3. Model Repair, Not Perfection
You will mess up. That’s normal.
But when you say, “I’m sorry I shouted. That wasn’t fair to you,”
you teach your child that love includes accountability and repair.
And maybe that’s what you needed to hear as a child but never did.
🌱 Healing Is Multigenerational
When you parent yourself with compassion, you change the legacy.
You become the adult you always needed.
And that adult gets to raise a child with more emotional safety, freedom, and love.
You’re not weak for having wounds.
You’re brave for choosing to heal them.
✨ Reflective Questions (for journal or quiet thinking):
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What kind of parenting did I need but didn’t get as a child?
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When do I feel most triggered by my child?
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What does my inner child need to hear today?
Final Words
Parenting is hard. Healing is hard. Doing both at the same time?
That’s courageous.
So the next time you feel overwhelmed, remember:
You are not just raising your child.
You are also raising yourself, kindly, gently, and with far more awareness than those who came before you.
And that, in itself, is powerful healing.
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