The Myth of ‘Right Person, Wrong Time’: Are We Just Avoiding Hard Choices?

You meet someone. The connection is electric, conversations flow effortlessly, and everything feels... right. And yet, for some reason, life gets in the way—career goals, emotional baggage, distance, or just plain bad timing. So, we tell ourselves, “If only it were a different time, it would have worked out.” But is it really about timing? Or is it just an excuse to avoid making difficult choices?

The Psychology of ‘Right Person, Wrong Time’

At its core, this idea plays into something psychologists call cognitive dissonance—the mental discomfort we feel when our desires and realities don’t align. We want to believe this person is meant for us, but acknowledging that we’re not willing (or able) to make it work creates tension. So, instead of accepting that they may not be the ‘right person’ after all, we blame time—an abstract, uncontrollable force that conveniently shifts the responsibility away from us.



1. Are We Romanticizing Potential?

Have you ever noticed that the people we label as ‘right person, wrong time’ tend to be the ones we never fully commit to? That’s because we often fall in love with potential rather than reality. This aligns with the psychological concept of idealization—where we see someone not as they are, but as we wish they could be.

Take Riya and Arjun, for example. They met in college and had an undeniable spark. But Arjun had big plans—he wanted to move abroad for his MBA, while Riya was just starting to build her career in India. Instead of having the tough conversation about long-distance or whether they could make it work, they left things open-ended. Years later, Riya still wonders, “What if?” But the truth is, if they had truly prioritized each other, they would have found a way.

2. Fear of Commitment and Hard Choices

Sometimes, the ‘wrong time’ excuse is a shield for deeper fears—fear of commitment, fear of change, or fear of choosing the wrong person. Making a relationship work takes effort, sacrifices, and sometimes even going against what feels comfortable.

This ties into attachment theory. Someone with an avoidant attachment style might use timing as an excuse to keep relationships at a distance. They may not even realize they’re doing it—they just feel like something always holds them back.

Take Raj, who was in a relationship with Meera for three years. They talked about marriage, but every time Meera brought it up, Raj would say, “Not yet. It’s not the right time. I want to focus on my career first.” Meera waited, but eventually realized that Raj wasn’t postponing marriage because of timing—he was just unsure about the commitment. After their breakup, Raj later admitted to a friend that he had been afraid of settling down and used ‘bad timing’ as an excuse.



3. Does Love Really Care About Timing?

Think about couples who make long-distance relationships work, who balance demanding careers with love, or who find ways to grow together despite obstacles. For them, ‘wrong time’ is just another challenge to navigate. The reality is, love doesn’t wait for perfect timing—it thrives in imperfect circumstances.

This connects to grit and perseverance—a psychological trait that separates those who push through difficulties from those who let circumstances decide their fate.

Consider Anika and Karan. They met at a time when Karan had just taken on a high-pressure job, and Anika was juggling two jobs while studying for her master’s degree. It wasn’t the ideal time for romance, but instead of walking away, they figured out ways to support each other—late-night study sessions, voice notes instead of long calls, and celebrating small wins together. They made it work because they wanted to.

4. The Sunk Cost Fallacy in Love

Another reason people hold onto the ‘right person, wrong time’ narrative is due to the sunk cost fallacy—the idea that because we’ve invested time, emotions, or energy into a relationship, we don’t want to let it go, even if it’s not working.

This can lead people to stay in limbo, hoping for the ‘right time’ to arrive, rather than accepting that a relationship has run its course.

5. Self-Sabotage and Fear of Happiness

Some people unconsciously sabotage relationships because they believe they don’t deserve happiness. This is linked to self-worth and imposter syndrome in love—where we assume that happiness in relationships is temporary or too good to be true.

Someone may push a partner away and blame it on timing, rather than confronting their own deep-seated fears about love and vulnerability.

The Hard Truth: We Make Time for What Matters

When we say, “right person, wrong time,” what we often mean is, “not enough effort, not enough certainty.” Life is full of hard choices, and relationships are no different. The real question is: Are we willing to do what it takes? Or are we using timing as an excuse to let go without feeling guilty?

Maybe, just maybe, the ‘right person’ isn’t the one who slips away because of bad timing. Maybe they’re the one who stays—through all of it—because you both chose to make it work.

So, what do you think? Is ‘right person, wrong time’ real, or just an easy way to soften the truth?



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